Muse.

Dreams

2009-06-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

'Dreaming is very pleasant as long as you are not forced to put your dreams into practice. That way, we avoid all risks, frustrations and difficulties, and when we are old, we can blame other people- preferably our parents, our spouses and our children- for our failure to realise our dreams.'

I dream many things, some of them are peculiar, most are extraordinary but all of them require me to step out of my comfort zone. Dreams wouldn't be called dreams if they were easily achieved, would they?

Yet, it is easier said than done to break free from what everyone else expects of you. Harder still, I'd have to conquer my biggest critic- myself. To do something I am not professionally trained in will come along with a barrage of doubts and fear. Dating someone who doesn't fit squarely into what society considers 'good marriage material' hauls criticism and disparagement.

Walt Disney should have thought twice before he instilled in us the belief of fairy tale lives and happily ever after. Thankfully for me, Tjer is my personal cheerleader when it comes to achieving dreams- he is my inspiration that anything is possible as long as you set your mind to it. However, not everyone has their own Wang Ie Tjer. Also, happily ever after just does not happen in the world outside the cinema screen- our world.

Really, the phrase 'and they lived happily ever after' should be changed to 'and they worked hard at their relationship to live happy' or something catchier. That is what the boyfriend and I do. We work hard at our happily ever after. This has given me faith that nothing is unconquerable. Stepping out of convention might just not be that hard after all. Perhaps I should give it a go career-wise...

We'll see how that goes. :)

Girlie girlie.

2009-06-12T19:19:00.000-07:00

Went on a swimsuit excavation at the mall. I ended up buying a one piece suit that beats the skimpiest of my bikinis in terms of sexiness. However, it's so skimpy and revealing that I might not even have the guts to wear it to Ibiza! When I stretch in it, it feels as though my boobs are going to pop out! :O

Thus, the contemplation.

If I don't, I'll probably save it for my trip to Langkawi with the boyfriend. If my boobs ARE going to pop out, I'd rather it be in front of the bf than anyone else. NOT that I want my boobs to pop out lah... that's like worse-worst scenario. :D

After an entire day shopping, I went for dinner with JunChin and Emilie at Las Iguanas. Took photos after a very very long hiatus from picture taking.

The food at the Las Iguanas beneath my apartment is aweeeeesomeeeee. Calamari, pita mushrooms, nachos for starters; some salmon rice that resembled my Grandma's awesome nasi dagang for my main course; Banoffee pie and tea for dessert... I was in food heaven. :))

I honestly wonder how I am going to squeeze into my swimsuit in two weeks time. Sigh.

2009-06-11T20:36:00.001-07:00

GRIP GRIP GRIP

The boyfriend says a good writer grips her audiences' attention.

So, do I have your attention yet?

*grins*

badshape makeup smear picture... an old one because I haven't had the urge to take any pictures lately.

2009-06-11T18:19:00.000-07:00

¡Hola! Me llamo Shervin. ¡Soy muy bien!

He aprendido español para cuatro días.

Hablo español fatal.

That translates to

'Hello! My name is Shervin. I am very well!

I have been learning Spanish for four days.

I speak terrible Spanish.'

I just completed an intensive course in Spanish.

I didn't emerge a maestro of the language but I wouldn't be totally lost or go hungry if I ever happen to be dumped in Spain.

Moreover, I've always wanted to learn a new language other than the three I already know- Malay, English and Mandarin (all half-past-six standard)- and now I do, so I'm pretty pumped. :))

It'd be great if I could study the language more in depth. Unfortunately, I don't see how Spanish is going to come in handy if I'm going to be working in Malaysia, especially in some local law firm. I probably should brush up on my Bahasa Melayu, my Chinese and most importantly, my English.

It's always so much more fun learning something new than delving into something old though.

2009-06-08T17:53:00.000-07:00

I remember New Years Eve, running around like little kids and watching fireworks explode all around us;

I remember dancing in the kitchen with my feet on yours;

I remember forcing you to eat your dinner at Black Canyon when you had no appetite;

I remember both of us catching the same fever bug- and going back to the same clinic two times in three days, one day for you and the other for me;

I remember waking up crying because my feet hurt- you pulled off my socks and kissed me better.

I remember trying to make you take an umbrella when you had to walk in the rain... you didn't listen, and ended up falling sick!

I remember you piling things on top of me while I slept... and putting your shades on me because I said the sun was too bright. -_"

I remember Starbucks, Mont Kiara;

I remember Madam Kwan's... the day you passed me your handwritten letter;

I remember how you made me drive your car and took a video of me screaming all the way;

I remember the time you got into a horrible, horrible accident that made me crazy worried- which is why I always get so worried when you drink and drive : (

I remember our uh uh uh uh;

I remember our long long lunch breaks talking about everything under the sun;

I remember you manja-ing me after I got upset because you got upset. So lousy of me, always need you to manja me no matter who gets upset first. :S

I remember trying to cook cashew nut chicken. The key word is trying.

I remember muah-ing in Liverpool's stadium;

I remember muah-ing under the stars;

I remember muah-ing in the rain;

I remember muah-ing in the sun;

I remember muah-ing you.

I remember all our silly moments, the times we disagree, the times we fight, the times we laugh, the times we kiss, the times we're crying, the moments we share similar opinions.....

I cherish every single moment of us.

I may not be the best girlfriend but I do love you very very much. I thank God every single day that he gave me you.

Happy Anniversary. I love you.

Over!

2009-06-03T18:13:00.000-07:00

Exams ended today and along with it, my status as a University student.

I was shopping at Topshop when I realised my student card expires in 11 days!!!111 No more student discount after the 14th of June?!?! How can! :(

It still doesn't feel like a complete end. I guess that's where graduation comes in- another story for another day.

Finally! I can watch all the movies and random dramas without feeling guilty! I can also start reading my dust-covered mini book collection. Whee! :D

Daily highlights from today shall be waking the boyfriend up and waiting for him to come home from work so that I can see him on webcam. Decadent tai-tai lifestyle.

Well, practice makes perfect. After all, I AM going to play that role after graduation.

Yeap, you read me right. My plans after graduation is to get married to Tjer, sit home and shake legs. Why go to Bar school when your boyfriend is capable of supporting you??

Hee. I kid. If you actually fell for that, you probably don't know me well enough.

Presently, I HOPE to get into a Bar School in London. Hope because I need a 2:1 degree to qualify. Fingers crossed on that. Yet, despite my Bar school wishes, I still really don't know what I want to be! Again, that shall be a story for another day... I have to go wake the boyfie up!

Before I do, some light humour:

My paper today concerned Insurance Law. One of the questions required me to do some simple calculations, in this case $20000 - $ 4500 or something to that effect. After spending a good three minutes trying to figure out the equation, I arrived at my final answer- $ 22500. -_"

Super fail. I have a feeling I won't be telling people my mother teaches Math for a living anymore.

Subsequently, I had to write an explanation for my calculations. As I had done my calculations on the left side of my answer sheet, I decided that it would be a good idea to put it in diagram form and insert something like 'refer to the diagram on the left'.

You know how you tend to be more forgetful when you're particularly stressed up? Well, that probably happened to me after the intimidating Math question *look of horror*. Amidst my flustered-ness, I momentatily forgot how to spell the word 'diagram' and almost spelled it as 'diaphragm' instead. Fortunately, I got it right at the end. How mortifying if I had done the latter!

Okie... boyfie wake up call time. Toodles!

Break.

2009-06-01T06:41:00.001-07:00

I sit for the last paper of my Law degree in less than 48 hours, and I am at the verge of giving up.

The sheer load of reading material I have in front of me in crazy. A case is about 30 pages long, and that's not inclusive of the case critiques and journal articles that are, according to my lecturer, "compulsory".

So far, I have finished only two journal articles and have not the slightest clue what I have been reading! Partially fault on my part for slacking after Family Law and finally panicking last night- very last minute. Procrastination shall be the death of me.

I just need a 2-1. ALL I am asking for is a 2-1. That means I cannot give up no matter how much I feel like screwing this paper and going out into the hot sun in a sundress, sipping cold orange juice.

2009-05-30T14:11:00.000-07:00

Because narcissism is necessary. :)

Rest assured, thanks to PMS and exam stress, I look nothing like the pictures above now.

My skin is utterly horrible! I've also been trying to wean myself off my skin-pills so my oil glands are going cuckoo. Is it a medical condition if your oil glands produce too much sebum whilst your skin remains dehydrated?

That's the best I can describe my skin now- dry, yet oily. The hair is worst! I adore long hair- just not on myself. My scalp gets weird when my hair gets too long... and I'm more susceptible to dandruff and the like! Rawr.

Probably due to the fact that I only wash my hair every alternate day when long hair needs more care. Hee. :p Nothing I can complain about then.

On another note, after reading an article about how blogging may improve your employment prospects, I made an ad hoc decision to start a 'serious' blog!

I IM-ed Tjer:

Baby! After exams I'm going to start a serious blog! Become a famous blogger! Like Jeff Ooi or something like that... blog about serious stuff only!

He, who has the greatest faith in me, replied:

How serious? Like how Balenciagas are better than Chanels?

Well, considering the things I blogged about above- about my hair and skin during exam periods- I'll probably never be Jeff Ooi material. :(

That doesn't mean I'm not going to try though!

Exams are not over, but when they are... I AM SO GOING TO START BLOGGING ABOUT SERIOUS, INTELLECTUAL MATTERS, LIKE.............

like......... How Obama looks way better in trunks than Brown ever will?!

Now that's politics for you.

2009-05-13T14:24:00.000-07:00

It must have been the weather- a clammy cold night with a slight patter of rain.

Whatever it was, it made me pause and reflect my life.

Am I happy with who I am? Am I happy with what I am doing?

Am I happy with the situation I am in?

Would I have been happier if I had taken the road I had given up on?

And then I remember the story of the insatiable woman-

There once was a building that sold men.

A woman entered and was told that the building operated in the manner that, each flight of stairs she climbed, she'd find floors filled with different types of men.

The higher the floors, the better the men.

Excited, she hurried up to the first floor.

There, she saw a sign that said 'Wife-beaters, liars and two-timers'.

She turns her head away in disgust and rushes off to the next floor.

On the 2nd floor, the sign says 'loving men'.

She thinks to herself, 'hmm... this sounds better than the last one.... but I won't settle for someone who can only offer me love!'

So, off she goes to the next batch of men.

The sign on the 3rd floor reads 'rich and loving men'.

The woman ponders, "This sounds better! I could do with this... but... I wonder what's on the next floor?"

She runs up the flight of stairs and is delighted to see the sign that said 'rich, handsome and loving men'.

"Ooh! I could REALLY use a rich, handsome and loving man.... but... what if there is something better on the next floor??"

She strides up to the next floor in anticipation.

However, when she arrives, all she sees is a sign that says, 'I'm sorry, there are no men on this floor.... you women are just too hard to please!'

I guess I can't say that I'm unhappy with my life. On the contrary, I like what I have now. I am happy that I'm completing a degree- an accomplishment!

Yet, I still do at times wonder- what if?

Is it bad? I've been told that if I didn't I'd be too complacent.

Then again, where do you draw the line between being too greedy/fickle and being too complacent?

2009-05-11T15:38:00.000-07:00

What is the past tense for 'Pigs Fly'?

Answer: Swine Flu(Flew)!

On another note, I'm looking forward to tomorrow because I'll be able to eat my favourite wrap for lunch! Nom nom nom. :D

(Disregarding the fact I eat wraps everyday for lunch)

Sigh. Life is so blissful.

What exams??

Orange Juice...

2009-05-10T07:32:00.000-07:00

will forever remind me of dinners at home, in our fluorescent-lit kitchen.

Pop Quiz.

2009-05-03T16:47:00.000-07:00

While procrastinating, I stumbled upon a quiz and here are my results-

'You're.... 'Quite possibly one of the dumbest girls you'll ever meet' It's okay though, you have other talents. You're funny, and caring, and your very innocent. Somtimes being neive helps you out too, you get to ignore all the drama of girl world. You depend on your friends quite often, without them you wouldn't know what's going on.'

wtf.

Now I regret having done the quiz. I kind of like convincing myself that I'm actually a really smart person with a dumb facade?

Then again, I shouldn't trust quiz results telling you how smart/dumb you are when they can't even spell the word 'naive' right, should I?

2009-04-29T07:20:00.000-07:00

It's Mommy's birthday today. I was talking to her online and she mentioned that Daddy brought her to WongKok for dinner.

When I asked her how it went, she said:

siew li mummy says:

given free big jug of tea for birthday girl

*cough*

50 34 and she still thinks she's 'girl' material...

I guess youth runs in my family, just like how I'm turning 22 this year but still get mistaken for being 9.

Hee. :D

2009-04-25T08:09:00.000-07:00

Outfit: AA Sweater, Topshop Vest worn as dress.

Today is the second day I woke up without a glimpse of Tjer on his laptop next to me. Not having him here is getting easier. I no longer feel like crying when I miss his presence.

Yes, I admit it. I was a wreck when he left.

I also have to admit- I'm a huge hypocrite. I've always prided myself for being emotionally strong and independent when it comes to relationships. I barely cried over my last break up. Even during farewells, the most I've succumbed to was probably a short tear session. I've also always, always thought that having a guy in my life is, well, negligible.

I really never thought it'd be this bad.

I cried many many times in his arms and on his shirts before he actually left. I cried when he left and also after he left.

I even cried when he called me from home in Malaysia and when I first saw him on web-cam....

God, this is starting to sound embarrassing.

I miss him, but that's no surprise because I've been seeing him practically 24/7 for three weeks.

What's surprising was the fact I was able to live a whole solid 3 weeks with someone invading my private space without him getting on my nerves!

Of course, there were things we had to compromise on. He had to compromise on his choice of food because he has this exclusive list of food that he eats (he rarely eats outside his menu) and also my time management while I had to compromise with clutter that wasn't my own. *Like I said, I'm a hypocrite. I'm a messy person but I find it hard to deal with other people's mess. :p*

Yet, the three weeks I spent with him was amazing, and I'd let him mess up my room all he wants if only he'd stay a day, or preferably, forever-more.

Unfortunately, he obviously has to work to earn a living and support my insatiable lust for materialism... I'm kidding!

So back he is at KL, away from the UK and away from me.

I'd have to say I learned a lot during his trip. Among other things- contrary to personal belief, I can actually live in close proximity, for an extended period with someone I love.

No separate house needed for my future husband then! :)

每一次和你分开

2009-04-24T05:03:00.000-07:00

Baby不要再哭泣

这一幕多么熟悉

紧握着你的手彼此都舍不得分离

每一次想开口但不如保持安静

给我一分钟专心

好好欣赏你的美

幸福搭配悲伤

痛是在我心交叉

挫折的眼泪不能测试爱的重量

付出的爱收不回

还欠你的我不能给

别把我心也带走

去跟随

每一次和你分开

深深的被你打败

每一次放弃你的温柔

痛苦难以释怀

每一次kiss you Goodbye

爱情的滋味此刻我终于最明白

但欠你的我不能给

我才明白爱最真实的滋味

我终于明術術

Wang Lee Hom

Kiss Goodbye

Sleeptalking.

2009-04-12T16:46:00.000-07:00

The boyfriend has never, ever sleep-talked for as long as I have been dating him.

Thus, I knew that I had to do something about my gluttony when he suddenly sat up in his sleep last night, pointed to one corner and said:

"Baby, go pick one of those desserts over there la..."

Heh.

Chapter Closed.

2009-03-30T18:03:00.000-07:00

I finally wrote the post I've been putting off for so long- my last post at sh*rve dot blogspot dot com.

Even though I haven't been really blogging there for some time now *ie. expressing my thoughts/ feelings/ etc*, I still felt a twinge of something or other from the closure.

I guess every ending you go through, it'll seem like a part of you has been torn away.

Undeniably, the old blog did play a big part in my life. It saw me through break-ups, happy moments, friendships and outfits. It was like an old friend.

Today I said byebye to that old friend.

My feelings are understandable, even if a blog IS an inanimate object, right? :p

Tongue Tied.

2009-03-30T16:52:00.000-07:00

I've never been very vocal about my opinions or feelings.
When I do try, I end up saying the wrong things. I just end up screwing everything up.

:(

Baby Love.

2009-03-29T13:41:00.000-07:00

'The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous"

- Carrie Bradshaw

In 5 days time, we shall kiss until one of us topples over from cardiac arrest, or whatever medical disorder it is you suffer from when you don't get enough air.
*Don't look at me that way! I'm doing law, not medicine! :p*

Pictures Speak a Thousand Words.

2009-03-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

Ooh! My first picture post.
I should celebrate. *grins and pops champagne*

Although I'd love to linger, I've got work due at 10am tomorrow morning and it's already *gasp* 4am! 0_O
Wahey, I have perfected the art of pro-crastination.

1. Am thinking of going shorter with the fringe.

2. Sohai faces some people pull when they're tipsy.
*I don't know the girl in the picture, honestly.*

3. What's the point in wearing floral, feminine dresses when you still sit kangkang-style like a man?

4. A bimbo's version of 'architecture'.

5. A Chanel a day keep the potential-husbands away. :p

6. Brave attempt of a close-up sans make up.

Oohkay, shall potter off to work and bed now.
Tah!

xx

USB Ports.

2009-03-25T16:11:00.000-07:00

The boy was telling me he just bought a vacuum for his laptop.

Now, this laptop is no ordinary electrical appliance. It is an extremely pampered one.
He's always buying accessories for it!

He has TWO sound systems for his baby and God knows what else.

Now it has a vacuum as well?!?! Of course I had to complain.

"Honey! You sayang your laptop more than you do me!"

He laughed and said,

"No that's not true... I love you more okay?"

"But you don't buy me sound systems or vacuums. :("

"Baby, I love you more than my laptop okay? I don't make love to my laptop through the USB port, do I?"

I grimaced before laughing along with him,
"Err baby, that's just sick." -_-

hehehehhehehehee

I love my boyfriend even though he loves his laptop more than he loves me! :D

24th March.

2009-03-24T17:36:00.001-07:00

There's two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she's
daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and
I thank god for all the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her
hair; "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."
In all that I've done wrong I know I must
have done something right to deserve a hug
every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.

But I remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy, But if you
don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."
With all that I've done wrong I must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said "I'm not
sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
She leaned over...gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry!"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have
done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly
kisses-I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.

-Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle

This song has always brought a hollow pang.

I've never had the privilege to play Daddy's Girl- that was what little sister was born for.

On the other hand, my relationship with my father has always been distant.

I barely have any recognition of my dad from my childhood. He was always posted outstation for work. Even when he wasn't, he was a workaholic driven to build a career for himself. Consequently, I hardly saw him.

My father had a ferocious temper. He was also a strong proponent of corporal punishment.

The former characteristic, coupled with work stress and the latter belief did not make life easy. There were many times when I thought I hated my father. There were many times when I hated my life, simply because you can't choose family.

However, his temper has mellowed over the years. He also works a lot less and spends more time with the family, having already established the career he was so keen on 20 odd years ago.
Unfortunately, a building's strength will always bore down to its structure and its base. No matter how much weather durable paint you coat it with or whatever you do to make your building stronger, it always will bore down to its foundations.

Sad to say, it is foundations for a loving father-daughter relationship that we lack.Of course I love my daddy. It's just that I can never show it. I guess we'll forever be stuck with the distant relationship we have perfected.

I'll also continue to feel that familiar pang whenever I hear Bob Carlisle sing about butterfly kisses.